HR Managers-- the corporate game show hosts

Did the self-evident truth of the title come down on you like this ton-of-bricks revelation hit me today?!? After reading the zillionth canned email from an HR guy announcing new employees it finally struck me that no, HR managers aren't devoid of personalities as is generally agreed, they are instead infused with this plastic personna molded directly from the image of Wink Martindale. How could I not have seen this before?!? (perhaps it is the clarity that comes from NOT being in the office 8 hours a day and watching an occasional game show in my retirement from corporate whoredom). I think it was the cheery little bio-background section of the email that made it click; "Mr Manson comes to us from Southern California where he lives with his large family and enjoys many outdoor and indoor activities including carving and group camp outs". The game show people realized years ago that if the audience could identify with a contestant they would get more involved in the game and be less likely to miss the commericals for crap they didn't need. Why the heck do they feel the need to do this in business?!? Is it right for them to announce to the world if the new recruit is married? "Sheila is single, works late, and frequently walks to her car unaccompanied-- no one would probably miss her if one of you lunatics...." But I digress-- this entry isn't so much about the crap HR people write but the crappy personalities they seem to nurse along year after year. Check out the silver haired HR people-- the permanent smile on the faces no matter what the business situation. Smack one in the head (don't do this untill you are really in a position to retire AND have a good attorney OR really good dirt on them) and listen to the response. It's as if pulling a string on an in-action figure: "Jeff, I am uncomfortable with your taking physical action against me and request you stop immediately. If you continue I will be forced to arrange a meeting between myself, the HR Manager (my other self), and your next level of management to identify the corrective behavior required. Respectfully and in a non-gender-specific way, Yours". It's scary, but you really could just swap any HR person and any game show host at a moment's notice and NO ONE would notice the difference. Don't think so? Well look at the job descriptions and tell me what I am missing:

HR Guy: Announces new employees with quick bio
Wink Martindale: Announces new contestents with quick bio

HR Guy: Always the most over-dressed in the room
Wink Martindale: Always the most over-dressed in the room

Wink Martindale: Constantly restates the obvious game rules
(really, the one with MOST points wins?!?)
HR Guy: Constantly re-states the obvious policies
(really, we can't bring in firearms?!?!)

Wink Martindale: Master of fake sympathy when you lose
HR Guy: Master of fake sympathy when firing you

I could go on but I'm sure I've made my point. So then, the next time you are called into HR for surfing blogs instead of doing your job you are left with just one decision: jump up and down and act hysterically for being chosen out of the crowd OR whack the HR Guy on the head and see if I'm not right on this one. Go ahead there's nothing else on...